As I’m about to take my purple belt test, I thought I’d reflect a moment on this year of beginning my training in Kenpo. I remember walking into the dojo the first day wondering if I had made a good decision. I was fat, out of shape, and older than most in class. I had let myself go physically and was not sure if I would be able to do what was required. Doubts and feelings of embarassment were frequent. But, I stuck with it, and it’s a bit weird to be sitting here writing this today.
For myself, my age, and my weaknesses I had to overcome, it was hard work. What is strange is what I know I must work on now, is quite different than months past. It has been a very “in the moment” experience this year. What weaknesses I have overcome in the past have been replaced by new challenges on a continual basis. It’s like walking up a never ending flight of stairs. I literally have to stop and look back to see just how far I’ve come.
What I had to work on so hard earlier this year is now engrained into me. My balance, strength, and flexibility are much greater than when I started. What I can do without thinking now, I had to concentrate on before. What techniques were difficult, are now easy. What I didn’t understand early on, I now grasp. However, like I said, I have to stop and think about what I’ve accomplished because there is so much more to learn and so many more questions I have yet find an answer for. I now know with hard work, it will happen in time.
Speaking of questions, it seems the more I learn and am exposed to, the more questions that develop as I practice. It’s kind of like trying to guess what a picture is of while a curtain slowly lifts revealing more to see. Every technique, form, set, and basic element that I’m exposed to brings about questions not only of how to physically move, but also of how to logically understand it all. Before I started, I pictured myself learning how to perform physical movements, and that’s it. I never imagined the cerebral element of martial arts. For myself, it is equally a part of my training as is the physical aspect involved. What a surprise that is.
Aggression. Hmmmm. I don’t think I’ve ever really been much of an aggessive person. I’m a more happy go lucky, a lover instead of a fighter, kinda guy. So, to be encouraged to be aggressive has turned out to be a good thing for me. I guess I never really had an avenue in which I was interested enough where I could or wanted to embrace that potential side of myself. Yes, it’s true. Outside of the dojo, I’m more focused on helping others or laughing/joking around. To have a place and a way in which I can physically release frustrations in a manner in which is not the norm for me has helped rid myself of undue stress. Plus, the confidence of knowing what it is like to tap into that animal side is somewhat refreshing.
When I first started, I wanted to be a certain person at martial arts. Unrealistically, I wanted to be something like a cross between Chuck Norris, Jeff Speakman, and Bruce Lee. As time passed this year, I became aware that I had to accept that which I was not capable of, in essence learning to accept, in certain aspects, who I am. I learned that I can become my own martial artist, not like some martial artist. I have unique qualities that make me different than anyone else. I also have weaknesses that I must deal with in my own way. No matter what I am or am not capable of, in some small way, I have learned to be proud of myself for stepping onto this path I’ve chosen. I’ve have definately began to understand myself more.
I find myself excited for what lay ahead of me. The new information that will be passed onto me I view as a gift I will carry for many years to come. Although I’ve been practicing off and on most of the day today for my belt test, my mind wanders wondering what I will learn and be exposed to come January. Just like in the past months, I cannot wait to experience what my instructor has in store. This may sound rather weird, but it’s kind of a game for me to think of every new class as exposure to some ancient secret. Although it’s not so much so, I find the excitement of new material envigorating. What may seem simple, can be explored beyond what’s visible on the surface. You can easily view something as “ok..yeah…BAM…no big deal” or you can ask yourself “but wait a minute…what about this or that”. I’ve had lots of fun wondering about the “this or that” aspect of what I’ve been exposed to thus far.
Yes, it’s true, I should have done this a long time ago. But, I’m really glad I’m doing it now because there is no telling if I would have been mentally or emotionally ready at any other time in the past. I was talking with a friend of mine about distance running. He told me that the majority of runners who are able to complete marathons are older indviduals. He discussed mental resolve and how that is something that one just cannot learn from someone else. Unless someone already inherently possesses such mental resolve, it takes years to develop such an adept trait. When thinking about myself in that past, I can see some truth in this statement. I hope I’ve developed the resolve to continue my training without fail for years to come.
I’m not sure what else to say about this year of Kenpo training. Oh, wear a cup! Once you’ve had your jewels lifted or adjusted by another’s appendage, it’s importance becomes quite apparent. The best way to avoid experiencing this realization, and I’m speaking from experience, is to go buy a cup, remove it from the package, and actually wear it. For women, I’ve seen breast shields for sale. If I were a woman, I’d own and wear one for sure. That’s all I have to say about that. Oh, one more thing. You will get hit from time to time unexpectantly as we all try to be careful, but accidents happen. If the taste of blood in your mouth, bruises on the skin, or pain frightens you, rest assured, that fear will be surpassed after a few slip ups by your training partner. It sucks when it happens, but it makes for great stories later on.
Conclusion: Glad I started, Kenpo is great, I’m much better for it, and I recommend it to anyone and everyone! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!